Having had various opportunities to be in some sort of church leadership throughout my life, I am aware of the struggle that exists around a meeting and wanting people to feel comfortable and welcome. It's not a bad thing in an of itself. However as I reflected on my own story this morning, I was struck by the role that "uncomfortable" has played in my journey and wanted to share this part of my story.
Many years ago, I had the opportunity to attend one of the meetings during the Brownsville revival. I was young, maybe 19. I had a faith in Jesus but I had also grown up in a very conservative denomination where it was suggested that any "unusual movements of the Holy Spirit" (i.e. Anything beyond singing our 3 songs followed by a 20 minute sermon, with some occasional ill-timed hand clapping) at best should be feared if not charged as being straight out demonically influenced. However I had been recently introduced to my now husband and he had a different spiritual history all together, including a miraculous healing as a little boy. This fact coupled with stories my grandma used to tell about "crazy" things God had done (like heal people) plus another acquaintance who had recently shared how she had been delivered from alcohol addiction at the Brownsville revival all lead me to give a curious and cautious yes to the invitation to attend one of these meetings, despite the fact I had heard I may encounter "unusual movements of the Holy Spirit."
I remember it clearly, the worship that night was indeed more exuberant than I was accustomed to but no one was running and screaming, or barking like dogs (I must've heard a weird story growing up because I clearly remember begging God as a teen to not ever make me bark like a dog in worship) and I enjoyed it. This was followed by a very evangelistic, come to Jesus, surrender your life to him message, which was also something I was accustomed to. Then came the alter call...we always had one of those, so I was cool with that. I thought I was getting out of there un-weirded out until something else happened. There was no "something else" in my world up to that point so when "phase 2" of the alter call went into effect, my radar went full code red alert... Looking back, the leadership team was just extending the time to include ministry for those who needed one-on-one prayer and/or a touch from the Holy Spirit (which did for a handful of people result in them falling over), but for me, watching this for the first time, I was COMPLETELY and TOTALLY freaked out. I could not get out of that building fast enough after that. I was so incredibly UNCOMFORTABLE. From the outside, my experience could often be construed as a negative experience, for a person to enter a meeting and leave not feeling good or encouraged or whatever it is the common goal of a meeting often is, but let me share with you the rest of the story....
I went back to the house I was staying in and reflected on my discomfort and fear but not just that. For weeks prior to this evening, the Lord had been working in my life and helping me see that there was more to Him and more to my faith than I had understood or experienced. It was the very experience of attending that meeting and being confronted with somethings of God that were foreign and unknown and uncomfortable for me that lead me to voice one of the most heart felt, game changing prayers of my life. I stood at the window that hot, Florida, summer night and said to God that while I didn't understand everything and was a little scared, I knew enough to know that I didn't know everything about Him. Then I asked if He would permit me to know as much of Him as I possibly could this side of heaven. And shared that I didn't want to throw out the good for fear of the bad. I had seen somethings that night that were indeed weird to me, but the Mysterious Unknown had been drawing me for a while.
That prayer was one of the most significant things I've ever prayed and one of those that He gives a life long yes to over and over.
How incredibly sad would it have been if the leadership of that church in Brownsville had made "all people feeling comfortable" in their meetings a core value. That night, I stood at the edge of an unknown part of the Creator... The One endowed with unimaginable power...the Unknowable One... And yes, my first emotions were fear and discomfort. That was entirely appropriate. The God of the Universe can be incredibly uncomfortable to be around sometimes! But had the leadership tried to "reign it all in" I would've been robbed of that opportunity to see that there was more, which lead me to want and ask for more of Him. You see it was my DISCOMFORT in what I didn't currently understand or had experienced that caused me to recognize that He was bigger and that there was more. It didn't turn me off, it ultimately turned me on!
21 years later, I sit here so very thankful for that evening. I have told my story many times and that night is always an integral part of the story I tell. My family and I are preparing for a move overseas to serve in a church there. A church I never would've considered being a part of had I not been permitted to encounter a God that was bigger than what I knew at 19. And I still am encountering new things about Him and it is so so good! He is so good...so much more than any of us could ever know.
I hope, if you are in church leadership, this story can help encourage you. If there are things you feel the Lord desires to do in a meeting, things that may just make people uncomfortable, rest assured, He uses "uncomfortable" to draw people to Himself. And that is the goal, people being drawn to Him. Maybe someone will feel uncomfortable and run out and never come back. THATS OKAY. We don't do what we do to draw people to a place anyway. We aren't trying to build a name for ourselves or establish a mini kingdom of our own or even protect our reputation in the community. We measure success by obedience and surrender that men may be drawn to Him. And that day God used UNCOMFORTABLE to draw me to Himself.
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