Hope in the middle of "it"

The crux of our faith hinges upon our steady reliance upon the hope we have in Christ Jesus. Too often we hold back our belief in God, that He is who He says He is, will do what He says He will do, and that we are who He says that we are, and we hold back our trust and confidence and reliance upon Him until we see it manifest through the details and circumstances of our lives. The reality is as God states in His word that the whole of our lives (if we are sons and daughters of Him) has been made subject to Christ and His authority. What we have entrusted to him, he faithfully, continually, perfectly, and eternally will keep and Lord over. He faithfully, continually, perfectly and eternally will lead you and answer you when you call. Tell that to your life! Hold on to Him and cling to these truths before you see how it will work out! Then the peace and joy of Christ can rule over your hearts and emotions and you will learn to be steadied IN the storms of life instead of only being steadied when the difficulty is over. Heathens can be relieved when storms are over but We were made to be victorious in the storms! Victorious over fear of death, loss, ruin, etc... our hearts lie and tell us we have to have something, something other than Him to feel safe, to feel secure, to be at peace, to be happy, and the reality is truly, at the core of our beings and all the  needs we perceive we have is our truest need for Him.. Him who satisfies all things! In Christ, we have freedom from all our hearts "have-to-haves." He longs to make us firm in our INNER-MAN. Immoveable inwardly not in the sense that we wont feel the difficulties of life, not that we wont taste hardship, pain, loss, fear, (Jesus was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief)  but that it won't MASTER over us and be the rudder for our life and faith. Be honest about your struggle to believe, confess your belief, and then run to Christ to ask for help in your unbelief!

"But Christ (the Messiah) was faithful over His [own Father’s] house as a Son [and Master of it]. And it is we who are [now members] of this house, if we hold fast and firm to the end our joyful and exultant confidence and sense of triumph in our hope [in Christ]. Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: Today, if you will hear His voice, Do not harden your hearts, as [happened] in the rebellion [of Israel] and their provocation and embitterment [of Me] in the day of testing in the wilderness, Where your fathers tried [My patience] and tested [My forbearance] and found I stood their test, and they saw My works for forty years. And so I was provoked (displeased and sorely grieved) with that generation, and said, They always err and are led astray in their hearts, and they have not perceived or recognized My ways and become progressively better and more experimentally and intimately acquainted with them. Accordingly, I swore in My wrath and indignation, They shall not enter into My rest. [Therefore beware] brethren, take care, lest there be in any one of you a wicked, unbelieving heart [which refuses to cleave to, trust in, and rely on Him], leading you to turn away and desert or stand aloof from the living God. But instead warn (admonish, urge, and encourage) one another every day, as long as it is called Today, that none of you may be hardened [into settled rebellion] by the deceitfulness of sin [by the fraudulence, the stratagem, the trickery which the delusive glamor of his sin may play on him]. For we have become fellows with Christ (the Messiah) and share in all He has for us, if only we hold our first newborn confidence and original assured expectation [in virtue of which we are believers] firm and unshaken to the end. Then while it is [still] called Today, if you would hear His voice and when you hear it, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion [in the desert, when the people provoked and irritated and embittered God against them]. So we see that they were not able to enter [into His rest], because of their unwillingness to adhere to and trust in and rely on God [unbelief had shut them out]. (Hebrews 3:6-15, 19 AMP)

The Song of the Son

It really truly is all about Jesus. Not just in word but reality. Have you ever taken notice of how the Father feels towards the Son? He REALLY REALLY digs Jesus... His Beloved, in Whom He is well pleased, Son. And to be about that which the Father is about is to really in essence to be about the Son. Reflecting on this truth, the following thoughts and pictures began to unfold in my heart...
As Sons and Daughters of God purchased  by Jesus' blood, our lives and the stories they tell compose  redemption's music, which makes each of us musicians. The Father, our ever skillful conductor, beckons us, come. Come and join in the Symphony of the Son. Daily, our lives play out His Song, over and over, redemption's song sings out through our moments. I could see this scene unfold before my eyes....an outdoor orchestra takes their seat at sunset, beautiful colors fill the sky, sweet smells of flowers and earth float on the breeze and the birds and other living creatures sing creation's song as the Conductor begins to look out over the players. I began to notice two distinct groups. To one side, I saw a sea of nervous players, some looking down at the instrument they had been recently given, unsure of themselves, unsure of this thing, these instruments, they held in their hands, unsure of the Conductor. They squirmed nervously in their seats, the questions and apprehensions written all over their faces. Then I looked at the Conductor, His eyes sweeping over this sea of newcomers and a huge grin of excited expectation stretched across His face...He knew the noise that was about to come forth out of this section and it delighted Him, for in the score, He had made provision for the noise they would make as somehow, these squawks and squeaks would be woven into the notes and lines and phrases and together would convey the beauty of the Son in mysterious ways. His heart was full of anticipation and excitement as they would, some for the very first time, press their lips and just breath into their horns in hopes that something would come out.  Then His eyes shifted to another group. These players had been with Him a while, they were silent, calm, almost unmoving as they had their eyes fixated on the Conductor's baton...ready. It was easy to see they had played many times with the Conductor before and were waiting, watching, undistracted. He let out a deep sigh as He studied this group. His playful smile faded into a penetrating gaze as He looked over these seasoned, weathered ones, an almost tangible strength and wisdom rose off of them. They had not only practiced a great deal, but had waged great wars with their music. A knowing rose up in Him, as tears formed in His eyes as He studied these musicians...there would be great music that came forth from these...powerful melodies that would move creation. For these had learned to watch His every move, take every cue, and play the rests with as much passion and conviction as they played the notes in front of them.They had gained their skills over time and for many it had cost them. Their music was beautiful but it had been bathed in hardship, loss, and pain.  These were almost unaware of themselves and their instruments all together, they were just fixated on their conductor so as not to miss one note, one moment of the grand symphony they had been placed in.

Together their hearts cried out, "Lead us, O Great Conductor, into beautiful music, communicating the sounds that need to go out at your slightest wave...help us keep time with the beat you set, no one playing their instrument at their own will but as one among many who together will set forth the sound You hear in your head, the score of the Symphony of the Son." 

And so it is with us, each and everyday. He has made provision for our missed notes, our uncertain attempts, our fearfulness and yet we are growing, ever-changing, into the skilled musicians who at the slightest sway of the baton can be moved from loud powerful earthshaking melodies, to sweet slow sounds that whisper His love, to the rests that come so silence can tell another part of the story. Regardless of which side we sit on, and depending on the day, we could find our selves in either section, the notes we play ring forth the beautiful melodies of the Son. Redemption's song is continually being played each day, one note at a time. Just play, I hear Him say. At home, play. In your mothering, play. At work, play. As you live your life, live one note at a time, watching, expecting, trusting in Me. I will make beautiful music of it all. Just wait and see....

Rock of Ages, Cleft for me...

You might recognize the title as the old hymn..."Rock of Ages, cleft for me...let me hide myself in Thee..." As with many of the old hymns I grew up with, as an adult I realize there are words in them that I have sung over and over and have no clue what they mean! So when I began to sing this song a while ago, the word cleft kept jumping out at me. I decided to spend some time studying it and was deeply moved by what the Lord showed me.
Exodus 33:22  "When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by." A quick check revealed cleft is a noun meaning hole, but it's root is naqar, which is a verb with the following definitions:
In Exodus

Brown-Driver-Briggs' Definition

1. to split, cleave, break open, divide, break through, rip up, break up, tear
   1. (Qal)
      1. to cleave, cleave open
      2. to break through, break into
   2. (Niphal)
      1. to be cleft, be rent open, be split open
      2. to be broken into
   3. (Piel)
      1. to cleave, cut to pieces, rend open
      2. to break through, break down
   4. (Pual)
      1. to be ripped open, be torn open
      2. to be rent
      3. to be broken into
   5. (Hiphil)
      1. to break into
      2. to break through
   6. (Hophal) to be broken into
   7. (Hithpael) to burst (themselves) open, cleave asunder 
   
   That day on the mountain with God, Moses was hidden in the space that had been created as a result of the rock being split open, rent, forcefully cut. As this began to sink in and I began to see some things. Christ is very often referred to as the Rock in scripture. Christ was cleft, split open by force for us. His body was ripped open, and it is in this cleft that I am hidden, in this split open space. When I enter into Christ, I enter into a space created by brute force. Surrounded on all sides, hiding in this cleft, I am not just reminded of an event that occurred, I am abiding in the reality of what happened. My place of abiding is a place created by great suffering, suffering that affords not just my salvation, but CONSTANT safety, and provides me the opportunity to be in God's presence. Grace is not cheap, beloved. Sin has a cost...a cost that Christ paid dearly for. The gravity of this cost is meant to be a grounding thing for us. I can just imagine, the body of Christ before me, split and torn open, and the Father pointing to Him saying, "You need to step inside here. This is your safe place. This is your place of abiding."  Can you imagine physically stepping into that body pierced, beaten, flesh ripped open? What would it do to our understanding of sin and grace? I don't want to be reminded of that all the time. I want to think about it on Good Friday and that's about it. But to be in Christ, is to live in a place where that reality is not something we just visit once in a while. It was the very act of Him being split open that created a space for me, for us. His resurrected body bears the holes in his hands and feet for all of eternity. I believe this message is important in a day and age where often sin is looked at as no big deal. Just ask for forgiveness, and wallah it's nothing more than a memory! In a day and age where often times the church is compromising morality in order to not turn people away...claiming the standards are just too high and people can't and don't want to accept those, and yet we still think we can offer them Christ? But, look at what sin did to our Saviour! He is a physical picture of the absolute and total destruction and death that sin will reap now in the spiritual and in our relationships. Yes, He is compassionate, and will easily and readily forgive, and has grace for us, but let us not forget how the cleft was formed as we receive this forgiveness and grace.

Keep all hands and feet inside the cart....the ride is about to begin....

When the Lord asked me this question, "Who do you think you should fear, men, or me?", it got my attention. Yesterday was a rocky day....no, really it was just ugly. I found a deposit of anger deep inside me that I had no idea was there, but boy when I found it, it was bad. Thankfully, the children were (reluctantly) bundled up and sent outside when the Lord and I began to work through this, but lets just say, I surprised myself with the fierceness and depth of my sin that was surfacing. It was a mess I had to work through the rest of the day, and gloriously right there in front of my kids, who sadly, got to experience much of it first hand. I just told someone recently that if nothing else in home school this year, my children are learning the importance of and how to go about apologizing. :-) I began to grapple through the layers of this yuck, my outburst and seeking the forgiveness of my kids, wisdom on how to handle better the daily frustrations that just so happened to "pushed me over the edge" this particular day, and then the most important issue, where in the world did this come from and what was I so mad about??? It had really been a decent morning...I had gotten some good things done in my mind (insert proverbial proud of my productivity pat on the back here) and enjoyed some sweet moments with my kids, but as the petty nitpicking increased, lunch passed, I began to be a little more directionless with my afternoon, it started to build. And like a volcano that I didn't even know was there, I exploded. Well, I knew there would be no moving forward, I had to get on my face and begin to ask the Lord what was going on. Okay, ask is not quite it, yell, is more like it. As I demanded answers, I wasn't surprised by His silence. I knew He would answer but not in that moment. The timer went off and the ice cubes that were once my children were rescued from outdoor playtime and as they began to warm up, He began to speak. He spoke to me through James 1, about testings and trials were there to help me grow up and mature in Christ, and where He gives wisdom on how to be in the midst of those moments, but what really got my attention was the verse where He describes the cycle of sin and tells how it gets traced back to an evil desire that is conceived ... so I began to ask what the evil desire was.

Around October, I was probed by someone I love and respect and quite honestly desire approval of, in regards to homeschool and how it was I knew I was doing a good job. Like a dagger in my soul, this comment cut to the core of my fear. I don't remember what came out of my mouth (something benign that shifted the conversation), but in my head I was angry....and saying, "I don't know! Why are you asking me this?? I am terribly afraid of this question and I really hope you can't see that right now because then you will think I am inadequate and incapable!" And just like that, for the next three months up until yesterday, I began to live under this fear. Over the course of this time, He spoke some helpful things like exposing to me that our country has made an idol of education, and much of the world, proclaiming it as the salvation for the broken, and poor, the solution to the worlds worst problems, and to some extent, I had believed this at some level, and let the fear that I wasn't going to do a good job begin to rule over my days, directing my steps. The only problem is, when an idol has been given authority in your life, it will rule with fear and it will spawn chaos and more fear. Sadly, many of my days were a mix between trying to serve this idol and trying to rest in Christ. I even got a picture of each foot on different sides of a fence trying to walk this thing out and it wasn't working. I had been battling discouragement to greater and greater measures as the days went on. Even though I was hearing bits and pieces of truth, such as being reminded of wonderful people like my grandmother whom I believed walked the road her Lord set before her and heard "Well done, my daughter" when she crossed the threshold into glory, and all with an 8th grade education. I heard and believed to some degree that it really is more important to focus on their hearts and character and that knowledge can catch up later. And I was kind of trying to be lead through my days by the Holy Spirit yet still trying to formulate some semblance of some kind of routine and learning that would affirm my abilities and impress some one, anyone, everyone, who I sensed was looking in and waiting to critique. And then there was the real fear I was truly aware of, the fear of "the school system"....their standards and marks of measuring the job I was doing constantly hovering in condemnation over me. The culmination of all of this God mercifully brought to a head and showed me through my own ugly outburst, just how damaging and debilitating trying to serve two masters is. It is impossible. Not only that but He will not bless that. He will not share the stage. I will be mastered by one thing and one thing only. I must choose. Today, I let the words of my Beloved wash over me like rain, and they poured light through my soul like I have not experienced before reading these precious red letters in Matthew 10,

³² Every one therefore who shall confess me before men, him will I also confess before my Father who is in heaven.³³ But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father who is in heaven.
³⁴ Think not that I came to send peace on the earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
³⁵ For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law: ³⁶ and a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
³⁷ He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.³⁸ And he that doth not take his cross and follow after me, is not worthy of me.
The tears came ushered in by the peace from receiving the sweet admonishment from the Lord. And the answer to His question, "You, Lord. I fear you." I have to let go. Really let go. I let go of the need to look like I am doing a good job academically. I free my children from the expectation that through their "performances" they must make me look good for others. I let go of the fear and accept that given a test on where they are in their knowledge tomorrow in comparision to if they had stayed in school they would show minimal growth from last May. I am done making sacrifices to a faceless, deaf god that will not bring me hope and assurance, nor help my children truly be trained up in the way they should go. I declare the truth that Christ is ALL sufficient, and He will not fail in leading us, the parents, in all matters concerning raising up our kids to walk the glorious, kingdom advancing road that is before them, and the school system and others are not only not to be feared but grossly inadequate for what the Lord has called us to do in this season. There is no other good alternative, other than to completely abandon myself and my fears and care only of the opinion of my Maker, who happens to be the smartest Guy in the universe, not to mention the one who has the paths of each of my children laid, beginning to end before his gaze at all times.He is worth this kind of wreckless abandonment. He is worthy of my devotion, at the cost of my own embarassment. So, I am buckling my seatbelt and throwing my map out the window. I think this ride could get a little crazy....er.